So, I had a pretty nice talk with my sister about open relationships, (I'd say you can hear it in my first podcast episode, but it is in Portuguese, so if you can understand, please take a look! Or an ear. SORRY!) and she told me some pretty interesting things about an almost-experience she had. And guess what: having an opened relationship is harder than it seems.
First of all, she reported a very common situation, I see many friends going through and actually, I experienced that as well: the ''complicated'' relationship status.
You know, that one, where the girl is waiting for it to be established. i know, it hurts right?
And even though she was not in this position, it's something weird, that after 1 year or so, the person you are sleeping with, still has nothing to say about you being together or so. I mean, not everyone has this need of labelling every relationship, but it's something that for us, women, the society label that is important, also, to know where you are at in a relationship.
So there was that guy, and I'm gonna call him Fred.
Fred was the kind of guy that tells you that he loves you, on your second date, but freaks out every time you say something about relationships, saying he's not ready because he just ended up a very long dating/engagement with another girl, so ''let's just enjoy each other'' he says.
The thing is, Fred started going out with other girls. Without talking about it previously, and since he was not afraid to show it, Natália (my sister), started to wonder: ''Am I in an open relationship or just being cheated?''
And what happened next, is what we needed, to know exactly the kind of boy Fred is.
Natália was hanging out near by the Tattoo Studio he was working at the very moment, so she decided to pass by to say 'hello' to her complicated affair. She called him before though, and guess what? He was surprisingly nervous, trying to give her all the possible excuses he could, so she wouldn't appear. So predictable, but as a great girl, she just ignored every hard try and decided to go anyway. Guess what happens next? You probably do.
Yes, there was him, piercing the girl's ear (or whatever part of the body that was being pierced) , with that girl he looked very... close with.
My sis realized it, and well, the cringe worthy scene just started.
The girl didn't realise anything, and fortunately for everyone, my sister is not the kind of jealous girl, so she was just ''ok'' with that.
End of story, Natália and Fred leave in a cab and the new girl goes alone and realises she was the spicy spice in a long term relationship, which was not, really open, but not closed as well.
Frustrating, I'd say. She was just falling in love, and there goes another broken heart, walking on the streets.
Soon, Natália realized, he was really not being honest with no one, because the new girls never really knew anything bout her. So, let's just presume now, she was just being cheated. Luckily, my sister was too much for this guy anyway, and didn't get affect by it, doing the same, and starting to see other boys too.
Nowadays they're not together anymore. Why? Well, besides any other issues they had, this ''free love'' he was trying to impose, taking her to dates with other girls, was being a huge turn off to her, and she just started losing the real interest she had, adopting a new lifestyle. And unfortunately he was not so much into it, cause well, he was the jealous type.
Poor possessive Fred.
Funny right?
But It would be better, if this kind of relationship didn't exist. There are just so many girls feeling used, or obligated to accept triangle relationships, just because it's cool, or because the guy really wants it. But, If it's not something that she will get joy from as well, it's just not suppose to happen. It's abusive.
Now, let's look through the ''free love'' glass, just for a second, should we?
It's beautiful indeed.
The lack of jealousy, the wonderfulness of being loved and loving without the ghost of possession to make you feel like shit, every time you see him kissing another girl. Or the guilty feeling after having a very pleasant night with some guy/girl you just enjoyed so much you couldn't help it. Or the glorious feeling of not belonging to anyone, and neither expect that someone belongs to you.
This is freedom right? Emotional freedom.
And it seems to me, it's just part of humanity evolution as well.
However, the conclusion we got from it, is that, it can be tricky. Not the polygamy its own, but the way some people will use it, in their own benefits just to be free while they put you very well locked, in some glass box. This needs to be real and it needs to be discussed. And even though I'm really saying things for my layman point of view, (because until now, i didn't have what it takes, to be that wise and detached from someone) I can surely talk about the nightmare of being cheated on.
Polygamy is a complex and complicated topic to talk about, and there are many possibilities: opened relationships where both fall in love with the same person, or just that ones where the two of them go and meet other people, and they are completely fine with that.
So if you are really interested in opening your long term relationship, or just curious, it's worthy to make some research before you hit this subject with your boo boo. You can always read some real experiences on the internet as well, so you can put yourself there for a while, even in a very superficial way, just to imagine everything, before you give him/her some idea that will only hurt you.
No more words needed from this random stranger giving you love advises, I'll just leave it all floating in your head, so you can have a lot to think about.
Take care and don't forget to love, but love yourself first. <3
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